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contact part deux
if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message
[ Coffee midway from counter to mouth, Bastien pauses, considering that. It's not a way he's thought about himself. But he isn't very good at thinking about himself — analytically, anyway — so — ]
Yeah.
[ A long drink. A savoring swallow. ]
There's not anything in me that wants to be free of you. Do you doubt that?
Yeah.
[ A long drink. A savoring swallow. ]
There's not anything in me that wants to be free of you. Do you doubt that?
[ Bastien tilts his head slowly to the side, eyes sharp with a focus that means he is not letting that go. But he's smiling, too. ]
You aren't the boss of me anymore.
[ Hip against the worktop, hand on Byerly's chest to give his shirtfront a wiggly little tug. ]
Except when it is fun.
You aren't the boss of me anymore.
[ Hip against the worktop, hand on Byerly's chest to give his shirtfront a wiggly little tug. ]
Except when it is fun.
[ Bastien laughs — like it's funny, but not like it's funny. It can be a joke and hot at the same time. And thank the Maker for that, because it's the basis of the majority of their sex life. ]
Mm, it's not that bad.
[ Having just had his face against Byerly for a prolonged stretch of seconds, he doesn't need to sniff again to be sure.
Back to business though: he twists his wrist in By's grip to grab hold of his hand instead. ]
And it isn't your fault.
Mm, it's not that bad.
[ Having just had his face against Byerly for a prolonged stretch of seconds, he doesn't need to sniff again to be sure.
Back to business though: he twists his wrist in By's grip to grab hold of his hand instead. ]
And it isn't your fault.
[ Bastien smiles wider first, but that's just mirroring, a habit so ingrained he can only help it if he tries. It's only at a delay that he grows more serious, smile reducing down to something warm but less amused. ]
I should have stayed long enough for them to give me my crystal back.
[ He sets his mug down so he can get his arm around Byerly again. ]
Where did you look?
I should have stayed long enough for them to give me my crystal back.
[ He sets his mug down so he can get his arm around Byerly again. ]
Where did you look?
Oh, the usual haunts -
[ He lists a few of them off. It’s hard not to notice, though, that the ones he lists are more Bastien’s places than they are shared places. Of course every place one of them goes, the other will go as well - but there are still places that belong to one of them more than the other. Places that are a bit more political, rather than the more decadent spots that By will be the first to suggest. ]
And all those places are horribly far apart. My poor feet!
[ He lists a few of them off. It’s hard not to notice, though, that the ones he lists are more Bastien’s places than they are shared places. Of course every place one of them goes, the other will go as well - but there are still places that belong to one of them more than the other. Places that are a bit more political, rather than the more decadent spots that By will be the first to suggest. ]
And all those places are horribly far apart. My poor feet!
[ A silly complaint that Bastien takes seriously enough to collect his coffee and move out of their little kitchenette, pulling Byerly by the hand to the couch so he can get off his poor feet. ]
If I hadn’t been here, I would have been looking for you. [ In the decadent places. In the theaters and around the card tables. ] We would have missed each other entirely. Or maybe I would have realized you would be looking for me — but then maybe you would have realized I would be looking for you, and we would still have missed each other.
If I hadn’t been here, I would have been looking for you. [ In the decadent places. In the theaters and around the card tables. ] We would have missed each other entirely. Or maybe I would have realized you would be looking for me — but then maybe you would have realized I would be looking for you, and we would still have missed each other.
[ Right. He lets out a little sigh - half-contentment, half-relief - as he settles back, thoroughly remembering all those details. ]
I hesitate to bring it up, but one of us has died. Oof -
[ Rat Red takes immediate advantage of the availability of a lap to jump up and nest. ]
I hesitate to bring it up, but one of us has died. Oof -
[ Rat Red takes immediate advantage of the availability of a lap to jump up and nest. ]
Yeah.
[ Like this, he can put his nose in Byerly's hair, put off by the smells he's picked up not at all. He looks down at the puppy from the corner of his eye; funny how she's managed to inherit her mother's froofy lap dog instincts despite her mongrel father and early orphaning. Or maybe they taught it to her. ]
I never forget.
[ Like this, he can put his nose in Byerly's hair, put off by the smells he's picked up not at all. He looks down at the puppy from the corner of his eye; funny how she's managed to inherit her mother's froofy lap dog instincts despite her mongrel father and early orphaning. Or maybe they taught it to her. ]
I never forget.
Mm.
[ It would be easy to make it light. To keep talking about melodramas. But that sober answer has invited a sober response - and Byerly's druthers are running towards sobriety. ]
You know that me loving you - That isn't some strange event, right? That it's not something that flies in the face of all odds.
[ He throws an arm up to loop around Bastien's neck as he nestles his back in more closely against Bastien's chest. The other hand comes out to rub at Rat Red's monstrous ears. ]
You're very easy to love.
[ It would be easy to make it light. To keep talking about melodramas. But that sober answer has invited a sober response - and Byerly's druthers are running towards sobriety. ]
You know that me loving you - That isn't some strange event, right? That it's not something that flies in the face of all odds.
[ He throws an arm up to loop around Bastien's neck as he nestles his back in more closely against Bastien's chest. The other hand comes out to rub at Rat Red's monstrous ears. ]
You're very easy to love.
[ Maybe Bastien's stillness is an answer; a pause in his movements, even his breath, before a little nod of his head knocks his nose against Byerly's ear. The nod says yes, I know. The stillness says but not really.
Nod aside, when he opens his mouth, it's not to lie. ]
It didn't feel that way at the start. It felt like seducing you.
[ Persistent. Careful. Vying for attention, working doggedly against the obstacle of not being Byerly's more usual stormy, alarming type. No motive but wanting him, and no lies, but after living as he did for so long, even being himself felt like artifice. The role of Bastien in love, performed by Bastien in love. ]
It doesn't feel like that anymore,
[ to stave off that concern. ]
Nod aside, when he opens his mouth, it's not to lie. ]
It didn't feel that way at the start. It felt like seducing you.
[ Persistent. Careful. Vying for attention, working doggedly against the obstacle of not being Byerly's more usual stormy, alarming type. No motive but wanting him, and no lies, but after living as he did for so long, even being himself felt like artifice. The role of Bastien in love, performed by Bastien in love. ]
It doesn't feel like that anymore,
[ to stave off that concern. ]
And thank the Maker for that. Imagine if we still had to seduce each other every time we wanted to say I-love-you. Horrible.
[ He smiles down at Rat Red. ]
I don't think you should hold the person I was against me. Perhaps you noticed that I tended to have a taste for...shall we say...the people who seemed likely to do me as much harm as possible.
[ He smiles down at Rat Red. ]
I don't think you should hold the person I was against me. Perhaps you noticed that I tended to have a taste for...shall we say...the people who seemed likely to do me as much harm as possible.
[ Bastien's mouth opens against Byerly's hair in preparation to protest his phrasing, holding it against him, but he has the sense to close it again and listen. Maybe that is what he's doing.
He's quiet. He nods again, and he settles his arms around Byerly's torso, one tight around his waist, the other hand joining him in petting the dog. ]
You never deserved that.
He's quiet. He nods again, and he settles his arms around Byerly's torso, one tight around his waist, the other hand joining him in petting the dog. ]
You never deserved that.
Probably not.
[ That he can admit that rather easily marks just how far he has come. ]
And it makes me all the more furious at myself, knowing that it gave you some sense that you weren't good enough. Rather than the truth, which was that I thought you were too good.
[ That he can admit that rather easily marks just how far he has come. ]
And it makes me all the more furious at myself, knowing that it gave you some sense that you weren't good enough. Rather than the truth, which was that I thought you were too good.
Well —
[ Relief isn't instant. Belief is — belief and a little irritation at himself for being too close and tangled-up in his own mess to have understood that sooner — but it will take more than a couple of seconds to enter his marrow. Still, he sounds cheered, despite a touch of melancholy lingering underneath it. ]
— I hope by now I have fucked up enough to change your mind about that.
[ He's joking. Or he's not joking at all, and he means it, but not in a sad way. He pecks a kiss against Byerly's temple. ]
Okay. Say I was waiting for you every day you came to the Gallows last week. The first day I would have been embarrassed, I think, about what happened here, so when I chose something to try to convince you, I would want to balance the scales a little. I would try to tell you something to convince you that I knew you, but one that was a little embarrassing for you.
[ Relief isn't instant. Belief is — belief and a little irritation at himself for being too close and tangled-up in his own mess to have understood that sooner — but it will take more than a couple of seconds to enter his marrow. Still, he sounds cheered, despite a touch of melancholy lingering underneath it. ]
— I hope by now I have fucked up enough to change your mind about that.
[ He's joking. Or he's not joking at all, and he means it, but not in a sad way. He pecks a kiss against Byerly's temple. ]
Okay. Say I was waiting for you every day you came to the Gallows last week. The first day I would have been embarrassed, I think, about what happened here, so when I chose something to try to convince you, I would want to balance the scales a little. I would try to tell you something to convince you that I knew you, but one that was a little embarrassing for you.
Hmm.
[ Byerly settles in even more deeply. He considers this particular scenario. ]
That might be disarming. I thought you were an agent of sabotage - obviously - [ What else would he think - ] And so hearing something unflattering would undermine what I would be expecting.
[ Byerly settles in even more deeply. He considers this particular scenario. ]
That might be disarming. I thought you were an agent of sabotage - obviously - [ What else would he think - ] And so hearing something unflattering would undermine what I would be expecting.
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