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contact part deux
if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message
I worry...
[ He moves his head so that the tip of his nose pokes back at Bastien's finger. The grin is still there, but it's a little more contemplative. Maker, what doesn't he worry about? The list is bloody long. ]
That all our mortal efforts are in vain, and that the Maker has truly forsaken us, and that the world is so corrupt that no matter what efforts we take there won't be any changing the rottenness at its core. That we're already down so deep that there's no reaching the surface before our lungs give out.
[ - Which is maybe a darker fucking sentiment than what Bastien was looking for. But this is, to be fair, how By gets when he's actually properly drunk: analytical, clinical, his speech precise and grimly thoughtful. But he brings that same analytical honesty to this second sentiment: ]
I don't worry that you're faking it.
[ He moves his head so that the tip of his nose pokes back at Bastien's finger. The grin is still there, but it's a little more contemplative. Maker, what doesn't he worry about? The list is bloody long. ]
That all our mortal efforts are in vain, and that the Maker has truly forsaken us, and that the world is so corrupt that no matter what efforts we take there won't be any changing the rottenness at its core. That we're already down so deep that there's no reaching the surface before our lungs give out.
[ - Which is maybe a darker fucking sentiment than what Bastien was looking for. But this is, to be fair, how By gets when he's actually properly drunk: analytical, clinical, his speech precise and grimly thoughtful. But he brings that same analytical honesty to this second sentiment: ]
I don't worry that you're faking it.
[ Bastien smiles for the last bit, pleased, and lowers his voice to a whisper as if it’s scandalous: ]
I haven’t lied to you in a long time. Not on purpose.
[ Then he kisses Byerly’s forehead, where his worries probably live. ]
What happens if that’s true? If this is the world and there’s no changing it.
I haven’t lied to you in a long time. Not on purpose.
[ Then he kisses Byerly’s forehead, where his worries probably live. ]
What happens if that’s true? If this is the world and there’s no changing it.
Then there was never any point to any of it at all. Then it would have been just as effective to lay down and do nothing, or to be wicked and cruel, as to fight. It means that all this agony was in vain.
[ A crooked smile, and a flutter of eyelashes that are long enough to brush Bastien's cheek. ]
I suppose that's romantic, at least, no? That's why they invented romance, I think.
[ But also - ]
Thank you for not lying to me.
[ A crooked smile, and a flutter of eyelashes that are long enough to brush Bastien's cheek. ]
I suppose that's romantic, at least, no? That's why they invented romance, I think.
[ But also - ]
Thank you for not lying to me.
[ Bastien nudges his cheek forward for more eyelash fluttering please. ]
You’re welcome. But you can never have a surprise party, you know. I know you. If I am sneaking around, by the time the party arrives you’ll be half convinced I’m working for Corypheus. [ His tone turns drifty, following thoughts unchecked. ] Maybe if I tell you there will be a surprise party but not when and where. That could work. Or I could make someone else do it, so I don’t know anything. Or…
You’re welcome. But you can never have a surprise party, you know. I know you. If I am sneaking around, by the time the party arrives you’ll be half convinced I’m working for Corypheus. [ His tone turns drifty, following thoughts unchecked. ] Maybe if I tell you there will be a surprise party but not when and where. That could work. Or I could make someone else do it, so I don’t know anything. Or…
You always are. [ He cups a hand against Byerly’s pretty face, for a moment, before it skates down to his chest. ] Anyway, I would never let you be underdressed at your own party. Or overdressed.
Tell me… [ The figure eight he’s drawing around By’s nipples doesn’t pair well with a serious question, but too bad. ] Did I hurt you, when I said I would hold some of my heart back?
Tell me… [ The figure eight he’s drawing around By’s nipples doesn’t pair well with a serious question, but too bad. ] Did I hurt you, when I said I would hold some of my heart back?
Yes, you can.
[ A thought he isn't done with. But he's on a roll and not ready to get off it, so first he leans forward and lowers down to lie on top of Byerly, face in his neck. ]
Tell me if I hurt you when I talked about your father. About why he might be like that.
[ A thought he isn't done with. But he's on a roll and not ready to get off it, so first he leans forward and lowers down to lie on top of Byerly, face in his neck. ]
Tell me if I hurt you when I talked about your father. About why he might be like that.
[ The impulse to be pleased with any no one else he can get is pretty evenly balanced against firsthand knowledge of how lonely it can be. So Bastien lifts his head to smile again, comforted, but in a subdued sort of way. ]
All right.
[ He shifts his weight, slipping off to be half- instead of fully-atop Byerly, with one leg still sprawled across him to keep him imprisoned. It gives him space to plant his elbow to hold his head up.
That rearrangement takes enough time for the touch of melancholy to fade, most of the way, and be replaced with a touch of humor. ]
Maybe we could use a safe word.
All right.
[ He shifts his weight, slipping off to be half- instead of fully-atop Byerly, with one leg still sprawled across him to keep him imprisoned. It gives him space to plant his elbow to hold his head up.
That rearrangement takes enough time for the touch of melancholy to fade, most of the way, and be replaced with a touch of humor. ]
Maybe we could use a safe word.
[ He grins. ]
Walpurgk.
[ He watches Byerly drink. He can feel it—heaviness seeping into the places that felt floppy and silly before, probably with grogginess to follow behind. Drinking more is a good call.
But first, while he still feels grounded enough to to speak in complex sentences, ]
I trust you. [ Okay, that one's not complex. But here's one: ] I decided a while ago, after those dreams, I don't want to hold something back from you. I'm sorry for going back on my word, and I'm sorry if it makes you nervous, but—it's too late. It's done. So we will just have to deal with it. All right?
Walpurgk.
[ He watches Byerly drink. He can feel it—heaviness seeping into the places that felt floppy and silly before, probably with grogginess to follow behind. Drinking more is a good call.
But first, while he still feels grounded enough to to speak in complex sentences, ]
I trust you. [ Okay, that one's not complex. But here's one: ] I decided a while ago, after those dreams, I don't want to hold something back from you. I'm sorry for going back on my word, and I'm sorry if it makes you nervous, but—it's too late. It's done. So we will just have to deal with it. All right?
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