[ And just like that, even with her fingers held, Alexandrie freezes. How can that be all it takes to make her want to snatch back her hand and flee? To go back to the estate, curl into a corner in the dark and tell herself stories of being perfunctory. Held for pity rather than wanted.
It doesn't matter than she herself has made special effort to include and reassure Bastien. It doesn't matter because Bastien need do nothing but seem vaguely hesitant, be silent a moment too long, and Byerly is all reassurance, all consideration, and when she names her fears aloud and all but weeps of them, asks for reassurance, she is met with seeming confusion.
Is it because Bastien is new? Because for some reason Byerly understands him and cannot fathom her? Or is it as she had questioned earlier: because Bastien is real and she... something, perhaps, he only thinks he ought to want.
He had not answered her.
She cannot go to sit with him on Bastien's invitation. How can she go at all? And now he will look at her again like he doesn't understand, or Bastien will think it is because he is here, or they both will, and everything feels impossible and she wants to scream. ]
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It doesn't matter than she herself has made special effort to include and reassure Bastien. It doesn't matter because Bastien need do nothing but seem vaguely hesitant, be silent a moment too long, and Byerly is all reassurance, all consideration, and when she names her fears aloud and all but weeps of them, asks for reassurance, she is met with seeming confusion.
Is it because Bastien is new? Because for some reason Byerly understands him and cannot fathom her? Or is it as she had questioned earlier: because Bastien is real and she... something, perhaps, he only thinks he ought to want.
He had not answered her.
She cannot go to sit with him on Bastien's invitation. How can she go at all? And now he will look at her again like he doesn't understand, or Bastien will think it is because he is here, or they both will, and everything feels impossible and she wants to scream. ]