I am afraid all of the time, that there will be a moment you realize you have everything you need in him, and that holding me is nothing but holding a knife by the blade.
It is why I—
[ She sighs, and the hold she has on the hand that covers hers is as firm as it can be for something so bare. ]
I cannot understand why you would ever choose to be with me, and so I am afraid. But if you needed me jealously, possessively, if it made your hands clench with want of saying 'mine' then— if I knew you could not let go, not even of a knife blade—
You think that dangerous, and you are right, and I will try not to want it so badly, try to stop myself from trying to pull it from you, but it—
Passion like that would make me feel I was safe, for it would mean you could not leave me.
[ The quiet huff of her little laugh again, but there is little mirth in it. ]
And so I am the worst person possible for you to love too, no?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-05-07 08:23 pm (UTC)I am afraid all of the time, that there will be a moment you realize you have everything you need in him, and that holding me is nothing but holding a knife by the blade.
It is why I—
[ She sighs, and the hold she has on the hand that covers hers is as firm as it can be for something so bare. ]
I cannot understand why you would ever choose to be with me, and so I am afraid. But if you needed me jealously, possessively, if it made your hands clench with want of saying 'mine' then— if I knew you could not let go, not even of a knife blade—
You think that dangerous, and you are right, and I will try not to want it so badly, try to stop myself from trying to pull it from you, but it—
Passion like that would make me feel I was safe, for it would mean you could not leave me.
[ The quiet huff of her little laugh again, but there is little mirth in it. ]
And so I am the worst person possible for you to love too, no?