I... have not allowed myself to think of it.

[ Even with her efforts to steady herself, there is still an anxious tightness in her chest that he knows. Selfish. Unkind. You wrought that pain and it was only yours to hold. ]

It feels so terrible of me to...

[ Silence, as she struggles with how to name it. Starts again. ]

I pushed you away so harshly. How dare I be hurt that I succeeded.