You may recall I made attempt whilst he was still here.
Perhaps you did not see it as such; but I did.
[ An old saw, but Alexandrie will take it to her pyre.
She stirs her coffee again, more to gather her thoughts than to attend to its mixing. Breathes. ]
They are the same in all the ways that made me love him, and so I will. Perhaps they are the same in all the ways that made him love me, and so perhaps he will.
I cannot say there will not be change. But—
I do not think it will be bad. I think I will be calmer, will stop making both of us wretched with my swinging back and forth betwixt trying to drag everything I need from you— including what you have said is a danger to you— and trying to convince myself I do not need what I do.
[ Stir.
More softly: ]
There are things Bastien gives you that I cannot. I think when I, too, have someone else to love me I will be less envious of the ways in which you love him that are not mine to have.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-07-27 03:20 pm (UTC)Perhaps you did not see it as such; but I did.
[ An old saw, but Alexandrie will take it to her pyre.
She stirs her coffee again, more to gather her thoughts than to attend to its mixing. Breathes. ]
They are the same in all the ways that made me love him, and so I will. Perhaps they are the same in all the ways that made him love me, and so perhaps he will.
I cannot say there will not be change. But—
I do not think it will be bad. I think I will be calmer, will stop making both of us wretched with my swinging back and forth betwixt trying to drag everything I need from you— including what you have said is a danger to you— and trying to convince myself I do not need what I do.
[ Stir.
More softly: ]
There are things Bastien gives you that I cannot. I think when I, too, have someone else to love me I will be less envious of the ways in which you love him that are not mine to have.