[ Byerly's quiet. How could he not be quiet, learning that? Of all the lies Bastien has told, so many of them have been to cover for his pain. Or - no. To make his ordinary pain extraordinary. It comes from the same desire Byerly has to make everything a joke, to laugh, to speak lightly of miserable things. Trying to preserve their pride.

So. It's that honesty that makes him speak honestly. He says - ]

I've tried to stop a few times. When I first became head of diplomacy. And then again a few months ago. And then someone offers a drink, and I remember how much I like it, and...Well.