By, I—those weeks I made you wait, before I said yes? Do you know what I was thinking about then? I was thinking I would be your fuck buddy, [ he hates saying now, ] and your reliable friend, and you would never love me back. I was deciding whether or not I could stand it. To be that, and to watch you love Alexandrie and let you talk to me about it and.
And now I feel so stupid even saying it. [ He also feels wide awake. The creaking sound is him sitting up, putting his feet on the floor. All the better to make quiet dramatic speeches into a little blue rock. ] Because you've been so wonderful, at every turn, it seems absurd that I ever thought like that. It's absurd that I didn't know I could have something like this. That I could deserve it. It's the most absurd that I ever thought you might treat me that way, if you had even a faint suspicion of how I felt. It's...
[ A moment to find the thread he has lost. ]
What I am trying to say is, the very worst things anyone could ever suggest to me about what we have, I have already thought them, and you have already proven that they are ridiculous. Complete fucking nonsense.
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timeasmymeasure
that icon has bonus hot points. extra hotness credit.
Date: 2022-04-22 03:55 am (UTC)[ Flippant, maybe, but it's only a prelude. ]
By, I—those weeks I made you wait, before I said yes? Do you know what I was thinking about then? I was thinking I would be your fuck buddy, [ he hates saying now, ] and your reliable friend, and you would never love me back. I was deciding whether or not I could stand it. To be that, and to watch you love Alexandrie and let you talk to me about it and.
And now I feel so stupid even saying it. [ He also feels wide awake. The creaking sound is him sitting up, putting his feet on the floor. All the better to make quiet dramatic speeches into a little blue rock. ] Because you've been so wonderful, at every turn, it seems absurd that I ever thought like that. It's absurd that I didn't know I could have something like this. That I could deserve it. It's the most absurd that I ever thought you might treat me that way, if you had even a faint suspicion of how I felt. It's...
[ A moment to find the thread he has lost. ]
What I am trying to say is, the very worst things anyone could ever suggest to me about what we have, I have already thought them, and you have already proven that they are ridiculous. Complete fucking nonsense.