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contact part deux
if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message
[ And he smiles. Not pitying; just a little wry. ]
I'm half-Orlesian myself. From my mother. And yet when I came to Val Royeaux, looking for a home among people I thought would accept me more readily than the Fereldans had, all I saw was rejection. And I ought to have had every advantage - a man of noble birth, with cousins in the capital - but I was turned away.
[ A one-shouldered shrug. ]
Orlais is not a land that loves easily. I can only imagine the hell it put someone like you though.
I'm half-Orlesian myself. From my mother. And yet when I came to Val Royeaux, looking for a home among people I thought would accept me more readily than the Fereldans had, all I saw was rejection. And I ought to have had every advantage - a man of noble birth, with cousins in the capital - but I was turned away.
[ A one-shouldered shrug. ]
Orlais is not a land that loves easily. I can only imagine the hell it put someone like you though.
Yes. It is that.
The same fear, but not a fear of you. It is the openness necessary to love, and to be loved, and what I was taught that leads to.
[ Her eyes are doleful and sincere. ]
I will flinch, my Byerly. I will be afraid. But when I do, when I am, it is due to what is in me, not what is in you.
[ She smiles, small, and it matches her eyes. ]
Will it hurt you too much to see it, while I am letting myself learn something new?
The same fear, but not a fear of you. It is the openness necessary to love, and to be loved, and what I was taught that leads to.
[ Her eyes are doleful and sincere. ]
I will flinch, my Byerly. I will be afraid. But when I do, when I am, it is due to what is in me, not what is in you.
[ She smiles, small, and it matches her eyes. ]
Will it hurt you too much to see it, while I am letting myself learn something new?
[Pausing to drink her wine while Byerly speaks, Fifi watches him with quiet interest. She offers a commiserating nod as she sets her glass down, her posture unfaltering.]
Yet I love it still. My Jacques gave his life for it, and that... has to mean something.
[Or everything is pointless.]
Yet I love it still. My Jacques gave his life for it, and that... has to mean something.
[Or everything is pointless.]
[Her mouth curves upward slightly, and she does the same.]
To taking a stand.
[Once they've drunk, she lowers her glass again.]
I admit I'm surprised your family in Orlais wouldn't accept you. Are they on bad terms with your father's side?
To taking a stand.
[Once they've drunk, she lowers her glass again.]
I admit I'm surprised your family in Orlais wouldn't accept you. Are they on bad terms with your father's side?
Oh.
[ It is soft and full of heartache for him, more breath than anything. Her hands move from his cheeks to take his and gently tug at them in an attempt to pull him back to bed so she can better hold him. ]
Come tell me.
[ It is soft and full of heartache for him, more breath than anything. Her hands move from his cheeks to take his and gently tug at them in an attempt to pull him back to bed so she can better hold him. ]
Come tell me.
Quite the opposite. They were on terms too good with my father's side.
[ Then, by way of explanation: ]
My father and I had...a parting of the ways, of sorts, when I was but a lad. They'd have faced some censure from the old man and the whole clan if they'd given me succor. So there was no advantage in taking in the flotsam that showed up on their doorstep, so they didn't.
[ Then, by way of explanation: ]
My father and I had...a parting of the ways, of sorts, when I was but a lad. They'd have faced some censure from the old man and the whole clan if they'd given me succor. So there was no advantage in taking in the flotsam that showed up on their doorstep, so they didn't.
I see.
[Her brow knits sympathetically.]
I'm sorry.
[Her brow knits sympathetically.]
I'm sorry.
[ An indifferent, jaunty wave of his hand. ]
For the loss of a sour, miserly son-of-a-bitch in favor of a life of freedom? I'm not. Even if it would have been easier to find a bite to eat if I were still in the Rutyer good graces, I've never mourned the loss of them.
[ And then, with a little tilt of his head: ]
So did you earn a living as a spy? Or was it merely something you did recreationally?
For the loss of a sour, miserly son-of-a-bitch in favor of a life of freedom? I'm not. Even if it would have been easier to find a bite to eat if I were still in the Rutyer good graces, I've never mourned the loss of them.
[ And then, with a little tilt of his head: ]
So did you earn a living as a spy? Or was it merely something you did recreationally?
[She actually laughs lightly at his forwardness, but seeing as that particular cat's already out of the bag, there's no sense in dancing around it.]
It's unique to my time with Riftwatch. Scoutmaster Beleth sent me to work in the house of the brothers Asgard, asking that I relate anything unusual to her. It took some time for me to realize what I was doing was spying.
It's unique to my time with Riftwatch. Scoutmaster Beleth sent me to work in the house of the brothers Asgard, asking that I relate anything unusual to her. It took some time for me to realize what I was doing was spying.
It is of note. You hold on to these things— or they to you.
[ She walks herself backwards with him until her legs hit the bed and she can sit, settle herself back against the pillows, and keep pulling to see if she can get him to settle against her. ]
What anyone thinks one should wail about has long been irrelevant to me, [ she sounds wryly self-aware rather than apologetic, ] I do it when there is wailing in me and I think that the proper order of things.
[ And soft again, for him. ]
But you may whisper instead, if you like.
[ She walks herself backwards with him until her legs hit the bed and she can sit, settle herself back against the pillows, and keep pulling to see if she can get him to settle against her. ]
What anyone thinks one should wail about has long been irrelevant to me, [ she sounds wryly self-aware rather than apologetic, ] I do it when there is wailing in me and I think that the proper order of things.
[ And soft again, for him. ]
But you may whisper instead, if you like.
[ A beat, and then a long breath out. ]
It shouldn't bother me. I profit when someone thinks me villainous. It's to my advantage.
[ He does allow it, lets himself be pulled back. There's stiffness in his muscles, but he leans lightly on her, like a hunting dog. ]
And when someone says, what a louse, what a useless drunken fool, it's amusing. But when someone says that -
It shouldn't bother me. I profit when someone thinks me villainous. It's to my advantage.
[ He does allow it, lets himself be pulled back. There's stiffness in his muscles, but he leans lightly on her, like a hunting dog. ]
And when someone says, what a louse, what a useless drunken fool, it's amusing. But when someone says that -
[Fifi laughs in response, her face truly lighting up for the first time since they met, whether asleep or awake.]
Was it similar for you?
[She doesn't answer his other question yet.]
Was it similar for you?
[She doesn't answer his other question yet.]
Edited 2021-02-26 23:35 (UTC)
[Continuing to smile fondly, she tilts her head at him, raising her eyebrows in a look that says 'how stupid do you think I am'.]
[ He grins, and drops the act. ]
One of the useless rakes I was friends with, asking me to do little favors for him. Here and there. And then larger favors. Thank the Maker that he was pulling me into serving a virtuous master - I'd have detested myself if I found out that I'd been secretly working for - oh, I don't know - Tevinter or someone of the like.
One of the useless rakes I was friends with, asking me to do little favors for him. Here and there. And then larger favors. Thank the Maker that he was pulling me into serving a virtuous master - I'd have detested myself if I found out that I'd been secretly working for - oh, I don't know - Tevinter or someone of the like.
Or Fen'Harel, [Fifi helpfully supplies.]
I consider myself fortunate that Beleth had my best interests at heart.
I consider myself fortunate that Beleth had my best interests at heart.
[ She could guess, she thinks—what it is, why it stays—but instead she is quiet and waits to see if he will tell her instead. ]
[ It is cruelty, she knows. Cruelty feared by women, that she knows at least Athessa knows, and the accusation that took a home.
Surely they could not have known when they spoke. Surely they spoke in anger, in fear of their own shadows, but to wear those shadows so often how could he not begin to believe that parts of them must be his. Especially when it comes from ones thought friends; ones he perhaps thought knew enough of him.
She turns her face into his hair and pulls his head gently into the press of her lips before murmuring there. ]
You could never. I know it as I know the sun rises. That there are two moons. That roses cut will wither, and if I drop a cup it falls. That is how I know.
[ His hair smells like the last fading notes of her perfume, and of his, and she holds herself to him and him to her. ]
But it is poison in you and you should say it if you can.
Surely they could not have known when they spoke. Surely they spoke in anger, in fear of their own shadows, but to wear those shadows so often how could he not begin to believe that parts of them must be his. Especially when it comes from ones thought friends; ones he perhaps thought knew enough of him.
She turns her face into his hair and pulls his head gently into the press of her lips before murmuring there. ]
You could never. I know it as I know the sun rises. That there are two moons. That roses cut will wither, and if I drop a cup it falls. That is how I know.
[ His hair smells like the last fading notes of her perfume, and of his, and she holds herself to him and him to her. ]
But it is poison in you and you should say it if you can.
[ Her certainty is a balm, and it isn't. It soothes him, and it also makes him think, how have I fooled her? How is it that I've deceived her, that she thinks only well of me? How evilly, skillfully fraudulent is he, that he's able to mislead even a Bard? No liar is as skilled as he is, that he's managed to make her believe him good. ]
It was just...small things. Athessa thinking that I was proposing something truly dreadful when I was encouraging her to pursue Sidony. Jenny Lou thinking that my tumbles when I was a lad was me forcing our freemen into places where they couldn't refuse. It's -
[ He lets out a breath. ]
I don't think I even knew what screwing was yet, the first time I was accused of perversion.
It was just...small things. Athessa thinking that I was proposing something truly dreadful when I was encouraging her to pursue Sidony. Jenny Lou thinking that my tumbles when I was a lad was me forcing our freemen into places where they couldn't refuse. It's -
[ He lets out a breath. ]
I don't think I even knew what screwing was yet, the first time I was accused of perversion.
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