contact part deux

[bouchonne]

if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message

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[bouchonne]

[ By sits back and gives a sigh, running his hand over his chin. How can he say this in a way that won't sound cruel? And, more importantly, won't result in Vanadi dismissing him outright? ]

Athessa is...someone who puts rather a lot of emphasis on her romantic relationships. For good and for bad. I have seen romantic difficulties turn her quite thoughtless. Uncommonly, intensely thoughtless. So I worry that - if something were to go wrong, and you were in a situation where you had no one to talk to, or compare stories with, or simply ask am I mad?, it might lead to a great deal of hurt. And perhaps some loss of what stability you've achieved here.

[highborn]

[ His surprise finally quells, settling as he listens into something more like tried patience. ]

Byerly, do you think I'm new to romance? Or so fragile that a lover's spat might undo me?

[ And, true, this particular romance is already something deeper than he's used to, and Vanadi probably would have an extremely bad time in the worst case scenario Byerly is envisioning — but his ego isn't entirely dissolved, it seems. ]

[bouchonne]

[ Well...Yes, sort of. ]

She is uncommonly like that. In a way you're likely not prepared for.

[highborn]

[ He rolls his eyes to make his disagreement clear, but: ] Alright, then — I can't say your read of her much matches my experience so far, so humor me with an anecdote.

[bouchonne]

My, my, how can I resist giving my help when your expression communicates how much you value it.

[highborn]

[ Sharply: ] I value your input, I think you're an intelligent and thoughtful man, but I think I know—

[ He breaks off suddenly, because, does he really know? Much of anything? He'd nearly been sure of himself for a short while there. He sighs, rubs his forehead. ]

Is she likely to slit my throat in the night, would you say? I would say no, but I admit I've been wrong before. [ (He wishes he could make this as facetious as it sounds.) ]

[bouchonne]

[ Byerly's lips thin. He's silent a moment, and then he answers tersely. ]

Not likely.

[highborn]

Oh, good. I think I can work with anything short of that.

[ He lifts his head again, and when his eyes find Byerly's he only looks tired. With a gentle sigh: ]

Please. I do want to hear what you have to say, if only because it's you saying it.

[bouchonne]

[ His lips relax a little. Not fully, just a touch. And his voice is still clipped when he says: ]

I have been hurt rather deeply by Athessa in the past. Not deliberately on her part, I believe; just because she was lashing out when upset at other people. Particularly when she was dissatisfied with her romantic life. So. I do not think she is the best person to be in a snake pit with.

[highborn]

[ He nods faintly; accepting the story, perhaps able to visualize it. ]

I understand your meaning. She has had a hangup or two on that front. [ To put it lightly. His gaze falls away again. ] You commented on my stability, yes? You weren't wrong to. I would estimate she's directly responsible for — I don't know how to measure these things, two thirds of my, ah, solid footing?

[bouchonne]

[ Bluntly: ]

That's not a good thing, Vanadi.

[highborn]

Ah, but just wait for the best part -- [ He dredges up a wry smile aimed for the edge of his bowl. ] I don't want to be alone. That's the motivation behind going with her.

[bouchonne]

You - wouldn't be alone.

[ He hates that guilty little hitch in his voice. Fuck's sake, when did he get so soft and mealy? ]

[highborn]

No, you're right, I wouldn't be literally alone, there's an entire Gallowsfull of people about. [ He shrugs faintly. ] You must know what I mean.

[bouchonne]

[ He does. And that's what makes him feel guilty. He's still got that itch of discomfort over the fact that - well, that Vanadi loved him. Or says he did. And for Byerly, it had been just a pleasant little fling.

(And so what? How many relationships have been like that in the past? Maker.) ]

It could be a fine opportunity to meet more people. You don't want your only friend to be the person you're screwing. It makes things extra miserable if something goes wrong.

[highborn]

[ With a huff of offense, only half in play: ] Byerly, please. I have friends -- you're a friend. That isn't the issue.

[bouchonne]

[ A little gesture of his hand. Go on, then. ]

[highborn]

[ He takes a breath to explain, but no words suggest themselves. The silence draws out, and he brushes a nervous hand through his hair with a glance away.

Finally: ] I -- would be alone if she left, that's all. No need to tell me that's not a good thing, as you'll notice I'm not exactly proclaiming all of this from the rooftops.

[bouchonne]

A situation that is unlikely to change if you follow her everywhere. One does not learn independence through interdependence.

[highborn]

Certainly, yes, I've no doubt that you're right. [ He wilts just a little more, shoulders curving in on himself. ] Unfortunately, I find I am not quite ready to return to independence.

[bouchonne]

No one wants to be independent. It -

[ He sighs, rubbing at his face. ]

Maker. So I must sign off on this deeply flawed decision of yours.

[highborn]

[ He glances up, quietly surprised, certain that all of this had been driving toward a resounding no. ]

Would you?

[bouchonne]

What else can I do?

[ He seems rather peeved about it. ]

Stand in your way?

[highborn]

Well, that's typically how my flawed decisions are received. [ He considers, thoughtful. ] I'm hoping my matters are too far down the scale of your concerns to bother with the effort of it. You are a rather busy man.

[bouchonne]

Save that in this case, helping you, in truth, is more effort than preventing this.