contact part deux

[bouchonne]

if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message

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[bouchonne]

Lord is a bit of a stretch. But I'll take it.

[ By grins at Bastien and tickles his knee. ]

Now we better stop flirting before I act on it. I can hold my breath a long time, you know.

[cozen]

[ Bastien's relaxed enough for the tickling to make him nearly laugh—a hitched noise in this throat—but he nods and rubs a hand over his face, leaving behind an expression with much less heat mixed in with the amusement.

It's not directly related; Byerly wouldn't be acting on it either way. But it's only a couple of mental stepping stones to arrive at, ]

Are we a secret?

[bouchonne]

[ Byerly, who has made a career of being so noisily unsecretive that no one has any desire to ask any questions lest he start talking again, cocks his head at the Bard. ]

I don't know. Are we?

[cozen]

I don't know.

[ He pulls his foot free, but only to nudge the other into Byerly's hands in its place. ]

We could be. We might have to step up our game a little bit, if we don't want anyone to notice. I could go up to the griffon eyrie and rappel down to your window after dark.

[bouchonne]

Or we could go on a mission to the mountains where - oh no - there's only a single cabin - and within that cabin, but one bed, and on it, a single blanket...

[ He takes up the new foot and starts massaging it vigorously. ]

[cozen]

[ Bastien closes his eyes and lolls his head to the side, sunk low enough in the water for it to make his ear dip into it. ]

Mm. Any time. Although—if we are ever making up reasons to go somewhere, I want you to take me to Denerim.

[bouchonne]

[ Oh. A little surprised: ]

What, it's not too provincial for you, Royan?

[cozen]

[ His shrug squishes his shoulder into his cheek. ]

I cannot finish scoring it until I have done a thorough inspection.

[ A fake-snobby drawl, but then he drops it and cracks one eye open, smiling and more sincere. ]

If you show me what you love, I think I will like it.

[bouchonne]

Well, love is a strong word. I wouldn't go that far.

[ Evidence to the contrary.

But, circling back: ]

We didn't answer our question.

[cozen]

Right. Alright. [ He rolls his shoulders and rouses himself to think more clearly. ] Reasons to be a secret, first.

One, you have to be a little respectable, and openly having a wife and a mistress and a— [ Why is the male equivalent of mistress mister? That’s terrible. He gestures vaguely to himself instead. ] It won’t help. Not here. Maybe in Orlais.

Two—it’s kind of hot.

[bouchonne]

Emphatically agreed.

[ He smiles luxuriantly. Because it is hot. ]

And you, potentially, might want to keep yourself open for seduction without having to explain yourself overmuch...?

[ That's a question. By isn't certain how often Bastien seduces. ]

[cozen]

[ Bastien wobbles his head. ]

I don’t sleep with many people who know who I am.

[ Not zero people who know who he is. And not only for work. But he’s not really thinking about it. ]

So it could count as half a reason for me and half a reason for you, Monsieur le Rond-de-cuir.

[bouchonne]

[ A groan. ]

That's the worst nickname yet.

All right, what are the reasons for it to be not-a-secret?

[cozen]

[ He's as pleased with the groan as with that earlier cackle. ]

The difficulty, the—I would have you in my bed every other night if I could, you know, but we are not the only observant people in this fortress. Unfortunately. And I, uh. I might be a little jealous sometimes. If you and Alexandrie are carrying on, or someone mentions the two of you to me, and I am the friend.

Not very jealous. Nothing you couldn't make me feel better about in ten minutes.

[ He's counting on his fingers, lazily. That's two. Number three, delivered with cheek: ]

And sometimes when I look at you I feel like Whiskey when she thinks she has caught something.

[ Head up. Prancing. Look what I have. ]

[bouchonne]

[ Cheeky or not, that's a comment that makes Byerly feel - elated, fluttery, nervous, embarrassed. A milder cousin to the high-toned anxiety that Lexie's intensity leaves him with. The thought of Bastien looking at him, and being pleased and happy and giddy, and wanting him every other night, and being jealous, makes Byerly feel a bit like there's less air to breathe. Not in a bad way, not - Really not in a bad way, but...just because it isn't bad doesn't mean it's not terrifying. ]

Right.

[ He tries to cover for his discomfort by tickling the sole of Bastien's foot. ]

And there's also that I'm terribly proud of you. You liking me is an achievement. And I rather want to show it off. Look, you sons of bitches, he likes me best.

[cozen]

[ The discomfort—a fraction of it, at least—doesn’t evade Bastien’s notice, and it has enough of his over-trained attention that the foot-tickling doesn’t work at all. He smiles only after a delay, more nice try than tickled. ]

You could always tell people that anyway, whether they know we are sleeping together or not.

[ He’s very pleased, by the pride. But he’s also thinking about that discomfort. By is shy and a little awkward, when it comes to sincere matters of the heart—Bastien knows that. It’s sweet. That might be all. It could also be too much, that every other night especially. He’s ended more than one relationship he was bored with by turning intentionally needy and clingy, asking for too much until someone was relieved instead of heartbroken to see him go.

Or it could be a dozen other things, including indigestion. Bastien doesn’t pause to try to list and evaluate them all now, only to watch his step a little more closely. ]

I will back you up. Mon très très platonique ami préféré. But I know that is not quite the same, so it can stay on the list, too.

So that is four reasons not to keep it a secret. Three reason why we should—but maybe how hot it is should count twice, because, I mean—

[ He fakes the shudder-and-exhale combo of a man with goosebumps just thinking about it. ]

[bouchonne]

Counts for double. So we're tied.

[ He lifts his shoulder in a wry little shrug. ]

Shall we flip a coin?

[cozen]

Why, you have one on you?

[ A once-over, as if Byerly might be hiding a coin somewhere on his naked person. Obviously they could flip a coin later. Or maybe there’s one in someone’s clothes nearby. But for the joke.

And anyway, Bastien’s already decided. The choice that’s careful, that’s better for their work, that doesn’t ask too much or grip too tightly. The fact that it’s not quite what he wants is only another point in its favor, really, when what he wants has so often turned out to be wrong. ]

If we aren’t sure, we should let it be a secret, don’t you think? We can always change our minds later. It would be a lot harder to take to back.

[bouchonne]

Mm.

[ Byerly smiles an ambiguous little smile. ]

But it will be dreadfully awkward if we reveal the truth after a long delay.

[cozen]

[ Bastien gives a small smile back. It’s not so ambiguous. Cautious, but also interested and hopeful. By could have said yes, that makes sense, and taken a very reasonable way out when it was offered, and he didn’t. ]

I do hate making things awkward.

[bouchonne]

[ Ah. Byerly can read that smile. That's a smile that's not nearly so ambivalent as Bastien's words might suggest. And that certainly clinches it. ]

Then it's settled. To avoid embarrassment, we shall be honest and forthright. We're very good people.

[cozen]

The Maker’s own Anointed.

[ His smile broadens. Maybe Byerly is only trying to make him happy—but knowing he’s happy makes By happy, he said before, so Bastien’s not going to hide that he’s succeeded. ]

Not that we need to make a production out of it.

[ He’s still him. Private, careful, nervous about giving strangers diagrams illustrating where to best twist a knife.

He nudges Byerly’s thigh with his free foot. ]

Right? And if we need to impress someone stuffy I can be the most professional acquaintance you have ever had.

[bouchonne]

[ By presses his thigh back into Bastien's foot. His voice is, momentarily, a little softer. ]

You're certain? You're all right with it?

[cozen]

[ Bastien nods. He's trying to be braver; he's trying to make friends. Both have felt easier lately, with Byerly at his back. ]

If you are.

[ He tilts his head, searches his face. ]

It is alright if you aren't. The respectability should probably count double or triple, too. We left out that I report to you, and I know you would never misuse that, and I hope you know I would never ask you to, but people might...

I suppose that looks worse, too, if they find out later.

[bouchonne]

I suppose so.

[ A hesitation. A droll smile and a shrug. And the real reason at the core of it: ]

I keep so many secrets. We both do. And it gets tiring, doesn't it? Especially because the things that I can be true about are the shit things. I want to be true about one thing that I'm proud and happy about.