contact part deux

[bouchonne]

if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message

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[bouchonne]

[ It's good that she said that; it eases some of the fury he's feeling. And so, reluctantly, he says: ]

Look. Alexandrie and I have - It has been a complicated love. A painful love. Much of what I loathe about myself grew out of the wounds we inflicted upon one another. And then, when after decades we've found some happiness, this man comes in, wearing her husband's face but with few of her husband's foibles, acting so virtuous and princely, and she swoons over him, and he clasps her in his arms, and it's such perfect bliss, and I have to watch. And then when I'm spiteful towards him, which should be my one solace in all this, he tears his hair about what a beast I am, about what a fool I am that I can't see the goodness in him, and that wretched woman Sylvie simpers about how we're all such idiots here in Thedas and he sighs over her and scolds me for being so cruel to her - And I feel half-mad with all of it. And am told, now, to stop being so wretched and horrid to this poor man.

It makes me feel like I'm being drowned while told to take deep breaths, it's all air, stop being so dramatic.

[ - That's more than he intended to say. ]

[armd]

(Abby listens, brooding, and hates that she can hear some of her own feelings in his explanation. It's not the same as her own failings when she's not sure if she ever actually loved Owen in the first place as much as she perpetuated to, a stray thought that strikes her out of nowhere with all the force of a lightning bolt. She has no idea if it was soup influenced or not. She doesn't want to find out.)

I don't think you're a beast. (She has to say it, but she would have said it anyway.) I think you're really nice. And I get it. My ex went off with my friend who had a 'secret' crush on him for years, and he got her pregnant, so I had to smile at them every single fucking time I saw them and ask when they were moving in together and if they were excited about the baby and all that other shit, so.

(A big breath in.

Cool. First time she's ever told anybody that. Exhaled,) Yeah.

[bouchonne]

Maker.

[ Half-sympathetic, half-wry. What a nightmare. (But how glad he is, that her story gave him time to pull back from his own anger and grief.) ]

Exes ought to be off-limits. That ought to be a rule for all friends everywhere. Can't date friends' exes.

[armd]

Yeah. It's bullshit, (she mutters, and drops her face into her hands.)

Sorry, (is muffled, as a result. Shortly,) I feel like an asshole. I am an asshole.

[bouchonne]

No, it's -

[ Well, no. It's not okay. It makes him feel like shit. But: ]

I am a bastard. And you were sticking up for your friend. I mean - half of what I was saying there, it was the truth, sure enough, but I was saying it because I wanted you to feel like an asshole.

[armd]

I always feel like an asshole. (Sooooooo) And I only messaged you about it in the first place because I knew you'd have to tell me the truth.

(Christ.

Do you see her point.)

[bouchonne]

[ A little snort. ]

Don't say that like you think I'll condemn you for it. That's just resourcefulness.

[armd]

(And a little scoff,) Thanks, Byerly.

(She knows this is a bold ask but,) Can you not tell anybody what I said. About my ex.

[bouchonne]

Of course not. If you wish me not to.

[ He frowns a little. ]

But - Why hide it? It's not shameful.

[armd]

Because they both got killed right before I came here and I don't know how to handle still being mad at them for stupid shit that doesn't matter any more.

And I don't want to talk about it.

(All of this is, unfortunately, true.)

[bouchonne]

Ah.

[ He's quiet a moment. Then, a breath in. Someone who's not a bastard might let her be, especially after that confession, but: ]

Truth for truth. What's between you and Ellie?

[armd]

(Fuck.

Abby struggles against it but it has to be said, there's no holding back. When she speaks it's through gritted teeth, spat out like poison.) She's the one who killed them.

(... And?) I tortured somebody she loved to death, so she came after me and my friends. I'm the only one left.

[bouchonne]

[ Well.

Fuck.

All right. ]

I -

[ He'd expected something like, oh, she's so annoying, or - Certainly not this. ]

I...see.

[ He can't think of anything else to say to that. So instead, he asks - ]

How...old are you?

[armd]

(YOU ASKED, MAN)

Twenty-two. (Far too young to have experienced all that. Abby feels numb. It doesn't even occur to her to throw the fucking crystal out the window and end the whole conversation, she's just frozen in place.)

[bouchonne]

Maker.

[ He lets out a shaky sort of breath. ]

I'd thought - I wouldn't have asked if I thought it was something like that. I thought you just irritated one another.

[armd]

I told you I didn't want to talk about it. (It's all she can think to say. She has a bad feeling that she's put Byerly right off of her, in a big way. It fucking sucks, but this is who she is.)

[bouchonne]

I'd thought I was changing the subject.

[ He rubs at his neck. ]

You are - at peace with one another here.

[armd]

Fair. (It is at least a nod to how well her and Ellie are handling it that he didn't expect anything like the answer he got.

Quietly,) ... Trying to be, yeah. We made a truce when I got here. (And it's going better than Abby had ever thought it would. Almost too good. Soup demands that she add,) I don't want to get into it with her any more, I'm done with that, but- it's hard.

(Like being drowned, while told to take deep breaths.) Makes me feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.

[bouchonne]

Mm.

[ He nods in acknowledgment. ]

Hatred is a bitter thing, but the taste is addictive.

[armd]

Something like that. (Sigh.

Wryly,) You can take back what you said about liking me. I won't come after you or anything.

[bouchonne]

[ Evidently, the thought hadn't crossed his mind, because he asks - ]

Why would I take it back?

[ Then - Right, of course. ]

Ah. I see. No, I don't think that would make any sense.

[armd]

(A little hum,) Well, don't be hasty. Maybe think about it.

(But... she does feel a teeny weeny bit better.)

[bouchonne]

[ He shakes his head in response, though. ]

I know nothing about the circumstances that caused such violence between you. To judge you for that, based on incomplete information, based on no knowledge of where you came from - That's not my place. To say the least.

[ Then, a shrug, and a little more lightly: ]

Besides, we're all bastards here.

[armd]

That's fair of you. (More fair than Abby thinks she deserves- if he felt afraid of her or what he understands she's now capable of, she'd grant him that.

... They are in a war, though. Not like she's the only person around here who kills people!!

Or as Byerly eloquently put it instead-) Yeah. True.

Thanks.

[bouchonne]

Mm.

[ He pauses a moment, then draws in a breath. ]

I've known evil people. Plenty of them. You might be one - our acquaintance hasn't lasted long enough that I would claim to know you thoroughly - but I don't believe that you are. So, take that for what it's worth.