contact part deux

[bouchonne]

if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message

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[cozen]

[ It’s enough to make Bastien grin, regardless, though he taps By’s chest with his hand—a sign for slow down, ease up. ]

Maybe. Or maybe Riftwatch would decide it is better to have other tenets—the mages and rifters have the numbers, you know—and we would have to decide whether we want to stay.

[ Would he? He’s not sure. He’s not opposed to the mages not returning to the Circles, so much as it has never been on the list of things he would have joined an organization to advocate for. He has his own concerns. ]

If we did, we would at least know what we were getting into. We’d be agreeing to it. So maybe we could all stop trying to maneuver around one another every moment of the day, and the Templars would know they might stop bothering to come here at all. We could offer a, uh—

[ Another grin, and some jostling of Byerly on his lap as he reaches for a half-full ash tray. ]

—a hand-lopping service, for Thedosians who would find the climate unagreeable.

[bouchonne]

[ Byerly mimes the agony of a quick, sharp behanding, then subsides with a rueful little sigh. ]

It might be nice to have that release.

[ He's a little pensive. ]

If we are, in truth, the odd men out. If all this fighting is truly futile, and we truly aren't dedicated to defeating Corypheus now, but instead more individual goals. It could free us.

[cozen]

[ Bastien hums agreement. Partial agreement. ]

I don’t know if I would go that far. I mean more—like the Inquisition, you know? It is there to defend against Tevinter, but people know what they are joining there. If they don’t want to be among Andrastians or to support the Chantry, they don’t join and try to fight everyone every time something like that comes up. They just don’t go.

We don’t have an identity like that, except weird. We don’t answer to anyone. We aren’t part of anything. We take every troublemaker who doesn’t want to work with the Chantry, but then we never stand for anything that might get us into trouble.

But maybe we don’t have to do that. We could at least try imagining a world where we don’t have to do that. We have all these pirates. And the Circles had all that money— [ thanks to the Formari and an entire fraternity dedicated to increasing their organizational wealth ] —and the Inquisition already promised them they would be entitled to keep it. Maybe they could chip in.

[ He swirls his hand through one of By’s exhaled smoke streams. ]

And it wouldn’t have to all be about the mages. We could see if they’re willing to care about the things we do, too.

[bouchonne]

What, them? Care about us soporati?

[ He reflects that that ironic little joke is unfair. The mages aren't advocating for a Tevinter-style regime. At the end of the day, they could have fled North, and been accepted - treated like kings and queens, anointed with blood. And they are here. Whiny, entitled, self-obsessed, myopic, but here. ]

It would be nice not to have to listen to Orlesian counts snicker about my mother having fucked a dog any more. Or at least not having to smile through it. And we could reduce our budget, if we weren't having to keep up appearances for the respectable few...

[ Hm. ]

[cozen]

It’s something to consider. I can look at the numbers and let you know how much money we would really need to be able to get by with or without the Gallows.

But if you want to float the idea to the others, invite me, hm?

[ To explain it with dimples. And to take the heat if they all think it’s stupid.

He’s quiet for a moment. A long time ago, Byerly said Bastien couldn’t be trusted to stand up to him—that he’d explain away madness, because he liked him too much. And Bastien had to insist he wouldn’t, though maybe he might have, if By hadn’t established that it wasn’t something he would appreciate in the long run.

So. ]

I don’t think you should have provoked her, By.

I hate it, you know, when our own people act like your job is to be an ambassador to them, and you have to flatter and soothe them and coax out their loyalty to an organization they have already voluntarily joined.

[ Except the rifters. But, in a way, not except the rifters. Their anchors might trap them in the city, if they like their hands, but no one is obliged to assist with the work. ]

But that goes for her, too. For everyone. If you want to be able to take off the mask here, with the people who are already supposed to be on our side, she should be able to say what is on her mind with you and show some temper without it meaning she cannot be trusted with an outsider.

[bouchonne]

[ There's hurt in his expression initially, when he looks at Bastien - and his hurt is no doubt a painful thing to look at, his red-rimmed eyes going a little darker still, and then him flinchingly looking towards the door. There's no doubt, indeed, that Bastien holds his heart in his hands, and that the poor paper-thin thing doesn't hold up well to prodding.

But he doesn't run away. Instead he's quiet a moment. And evidently, his thoughts go to the same place as Bastien's - or maybe they've been there already - because what he asks is: ]

Might I be...going mad? You would tell me. If it seemed it. If people disagreed with me, in truth, because I was speaking nonsense.

[cozen]

No,

[ is immediate, and not only because of his wounded look away. He means it. ]

Nothing like that, darling. I only think you might have been wrong.

[ And he’s trying, despite By’s eyes and his own habit of telling people whatever they seem to want to hear, not to roll over about it. ]

Not to be concerned about how she would handle things or to disagree with her on—whatever you were talking about. Templars. But how you did it.

[bouchonne]

[ He lets out a breath, shaky. The certainty in Bastien's voice helps. Speaking that taboo thing aloud helps. It's so damned hard, when you're the only one in a room, and everyone else looks at you like that...Ah, Maker. ]

She infuriates me.

[ Some admission that it's not truly strategy driving much of this. ]

Her in particular. She's so smug and righteous - when she's a nasty little thing. Treated Athessa like shit.

[cozen]

We only have Athessa’s side of that, [ Bastien says, with a fairness he would not have possessed at the time, ] and in the end Athessa treated all of us like shit, so…

[ Stubbornly breezy. He doesn’t have the right to resent anyone else for vanishing without a word, leaving people to believe them dead. He’s done it himself. More than once. He knows that. But feelings don’t care about rights. ]

She is smug, though.

[bouchonne]

[ Byerly takes a moment to grasp Bastien's hand, and to pull it to his lips, and to kiss it with the gentlest adoration. He knows how Bastien feels about it. He knows, too, that Bastien doesn't want to talk about it too much, so Byerly just gives a soft: ]

I adore you, my love.

[ An affirmation: Bastien deserved much, much better than that. Byerly did too, but especially Bastien, who had shown the girl nothing but kindness. Bastien, who has such vulnerability about being discarded.

But - ]

I suppose Petrana is, too. Similar self-righteousness. Similar smugness, all hidden behind pretty petticoats and doe eyes. Rowntree at least acknowledges he's a bastard. I don't care for him, but I respect him.

[cozen]

[ Bastien smiles and turns his hand to momentarily pinch By’s mouth between his knuckles. He appreciates it. ]

Madame de Cedoux,

[ is an offhand correction. Habit of the Game, to keep tabs on what everyone prefers to be called and be sure you only offend exactly who you mean to. ]

She was an Empress, you know, where she came from. I saw some of it during one of the bullshit Fade incidents. So I’m sure she is used to a certain amount of deference.

[bouchonne]

Petrana, [ Byerly says, the name a little act of defiance towards a woman who expects deference ] can go drown in the sea. She's not even a real mage. A proper poseur. Imagine - an empress pretending to be part of the downtrodden underclass. Disgusting.

[cozen]

[ The noise Bastien makes is a cross between a hiss and a laugh. ]

Don't you pander to me.

[ He pinches with his knuckles again. Byerly's nose, this time. ]

All of the rifters are stuck with the mages now whether they like it or not. That will be the Chantry's error, I think, in the end.

[ But that's all the argument he's going to make, after the day Byerly has had, on behalf of someone who's never taken the slightest interest in him. Not something he actively minds, or he'd have to mind nearly everyone he knows, but she lacks the handful of points Derrica acquired through the unusual action of seeming to give a damn what he thought about something, once or twice—and saving his life, that too—and so Bastien won't subject Byerly to his habit of sort of liking everyone, more inclined to figure them out than to write them off, when he's been so recently close to tears. Maybe another day.

He wiggles his legs to make remaining lying on them unpleasant. ]

Get up. We're going ashore.

[bouchonne]

[ Byerly hesitates. ]

I - do have work -

[ And then, after a moment of self-analysis, a sigh. ]

Well. My ego wants me to be even fucking better than usual at my work, so that they feel small and petty for even thinking about driving me out.

[cozen]

[ Bastien doesn’t hide the flicker of disappointment. It carries into, ]

It wouldn’t be the worst thing, you know. We could—

[ Leave. He stops just short of being that selfish. ]

—find a place in Lowtown. [ The next best thing. ] We’d only have to be here to work. We could take assignments elsewhere sometimes. Orlais—you could see Alexandrie that way. We’d have time, we could start on what we want now. If you got out of that chair, your ass might unflatten. And I would still be so proud of you.

[ He musses the hair all his petting had smoothed back. Speech over. And it’s not as if he doesn’t understand ego. ]

But alright. Work. Give me something to help you with.

[bouchonne]

[ That last comment - not the offer, the pride - makes him let out a shaky breath, and reach out to pull Bastien over so he can bury his face in his midriff. His grip is tight, like he wants to press himself in there and curl up inside his beloved. ]

I want you to be proud of me. I want you to think I'm a good man. You are - the person that I try for.

[cozen]

You were trying a long time before you cared what I thought of you.

[ He sets his cigarette in the ash tray so both hands are free to rub By’s shoulders. ]

But I am proud of you, and you are a good man, and the title and the authority don’t have a damned thing to do with that—except that I’m proud that you tried something you had never done before, when we needed someone to try. I’m proud of that. I’m proud you’ve kept us fed and out of serious trouble despite half the company’s worst efforts. But the prestige and the desk, I am only tolerating.

[bouchonne]

[ Byerly has enough presence of mind to move his hand so there's no risk of accidentally setting Bastien alight with his own cigarette. He recovers enough of himself to murmur against Bastien's stomach: ]

So you're not staying with me because of my easy access to coffee?

[cozen]

Well—

[ ominously hesitant. But he’s teasing. ]

—if I recall correctly, the first time you acquired coffee for me, it was not by being an ambassador for anything. It was by being a violinist.

[bouchonne]

[ He hums in acknowledgment. ]

A middling fiddler can only bring you so much luxury in life, though. Alas.

[cozen]

[ A scoff: ] Middling.

[ Absurd. ]

I don't want luxury, By. Not any more of it than we'll be able to scrounge up on our own. All I want is for this war to end so we can get out of here.

[bouchonne]

Mm.

[ He's quiet a moment, then says: ]

And you are...not just saying this because you think I'm shitty at this job, and think I should leave it, but you want to preserve my feelings.

[cozen]

If I thought you were shitty at the job—I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't tell you unless you asked me. I'd cry about the weather, [ comment punctuated helpfully by a gentle roll of thunder, ] and say I can't stand it anymore and you have to take me away from here. I would get myself into enough trouble with the city guard that even you couldn't get me out of it, so we'd have to leave. I'd make my eyes all big and sad.

[ He demonstrates—perhaps to empty air, if Byerly does not extract his face from Bastien's middle to look, but regardless. He has ways, see? ]

I do want you to leave it sometimes. Because you hate it, and I hate that I talked you into doing something that you hate. I hate when people treat you like an enemy because you don't kiss their asses enough in the process of giving them nearly everything they ask for. I miss us being the problems instead of the people dealing with them. And I love you as you are, and I think—I think the situation has changed, these last years, and to stay in this office you might have to change along with it. And I would rather you didn't.

But I don't want you run out, either, so—if you want it, we fight for it. I am with you either way.

[bouchonne]

Mm.

[ By doesn't extract his face, but he does give an appreciative squeeze to Bastien's ass. As good as a hug. Then he takes a breath and pulls back. ]

I don't want to be run out, either. Pride, of course. I'm a very proud man. I need everyone to like me.

[ True and not true: Byerly takes pleasure in being hated. But he takes pleasure in being hated by villains and fools, and the people in this place are, regrettably, neither. Even the worst of them is decent, in their way. ]

And - [ Reluctantly: ] I don't want to abandon them. [ A frustrated huff. ] Pride, perhaps, but all I can think is - if not me, then who? If I'm run out, then I'm just stuck with this feeling that they're going to be fucking themselves. Because who else can do this job? What other fool would? And in that way, then, it'd come back to me - I'd be guilty in my own way of losing us this war, because I didn't do enough to stay in it.

[cozen]

[ Bastien retrieves his cigarette. Thinks about that. ]

John Silver,

[ he settles on. ]

He's on the mage's side, and I'm sure Commander Flint would enjoy having his vote in the room. Or it has been long enough since Madame de Cedoux's resignation that she might be convinced to have another go at it. Enchanter Julius—I am sure the mages are not happy about not having one of their own in the room, and he would solve that, with ties to the nobility to boot.

They will not remove you and leave an empty chair again. Your position can't be that you are the only option. It has to be that you are the best one.