contact part deux

[bouchonne]

if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message

Comments

[bouchonne]

And you're being perverse to not acknowledge that everyone here has an agenda.

[ Well. ]

Except Benedict.

[cozen]

Including Benedict.

[bouchonne]

All right. The agenda of not dying from an out of control rift shard.

[cozen]

And securing a life for himself when the war is over. He cares about what happens to the mages—he may be with them. And he must care a little about what happens to his country. All those places and people he knew.

[bouchonne]

So we're agreeing that everyone has an agenda. Hm?

[cozen]

Ouais, ouais, everyone has an agenda. But she is not going to say who she worked for—and even if she did, it would not mean she could not be lying, or she could not work for someone else now, or she could not have been a double agent the whole time. So you have to use your beautiful, clever head and look at what information you do have, about how she behaves and what she has and has not done here, the same as with everyone else.

[bouchonne]

[ A low growl of frustration. All of this is correct. But it doesn't address the core of it, which is: ]

I just don't like being asked to trust someone who doesn't trust me. [ Further: ] I don't like your life potentially being in the hands of someone who isn't — It's beyond easy to imagine a situation where you could be alive or dead and she simply won't tell me because the information is too sensitive.

[cozen]

That's—

[ Bastien would like to say she wouldn't do that. But really it's only that it seems unlikely that the knowledge of whether he was alive or dead would ever be very sensitive. It seems perfectly likely that she'd refuse to tell Byerly if it was. ]

That's fair.

[ The fight is fading out of him. He leans closer to take hold of By's hand and hold onto it. ]

[bouchonne]

[ Byerly is a little more stubborn. It takes a full ten seconds before he melts and presses his face into Bastien’s hair. ]

I want to lock you into a guarded vault and never let you out.

[cozen]

They could blow up the vault.

[ Could sound flippant, but doesn’t. He tilts his head into By’s face and rearranges his hand to interlace their fingers and grip tighter.

He’s thinking of Granitefell. Diplomatic outreach. Safe. He hadn’t been worried at all—hadn’t seen the cliff ahead until the voices came over the crystals and he was already falling. ]

What is happening to the Veil. What could happen if he opens the Black City again. There would be nowhere to hide from that. Not here, not Gwaren. Not Kaiten.

[bouchonne]

I know.

[ He noses a little deeper against Bastien’s scalp. ]

La bonne chose.

[cozen]

[ Hey now. ]

The “finish this as quickly as possible so we can get out of here because you won’t run away with me” thing.

[bouchonne]

Noooo.

[ Now he rubs his nose a little more playfully. ]

She has you.

[cozen]

You have me.

[ He tips his head back, all the way, so Byerly's looking down at his forehead instead of his hair. ]

And that will be my condition. I don't think I would be doing that much more field work. But you get to know where I am. You get to know if anything has gone wrong. Yeah?

[bouchonne]

Mm.

[ A hesitation. ]

All right.

But I also don’t want you to go all - Bardly.

[cozen]

[ There’s no offense in his smile. A little caution—but that’s for the hesitation in Byerly’s agreement. ]

How do you mean?

[bouchonne]

Well, you know how Bards are.

[ A wry shrug that he tries very hard to keep from being sad or worried. ]

The job is more important than the man doing it. All that.

[cozen]

[ The slightest nod. ]

I don't think I could be the way I was again if I tried.

[ He shifts back away from Byerly, but only to give himself space to hold his jaw and look him in the eye. ]

And if later you ask me to stop, if you think I am changing or if it is too much, I will. I'll make you talk about it first—but if you mean it, that will be that. I won't resent it or hold it over your head later or anything. I promise.

[bouchonne]

All right. I just don’t want you to - make yourself as small as you used to.

[cozen]

Never.

[ Quietly. Touched. He's not really so confident—but acting like it is half the battle. ]

I'm enormous. [ He pinches By's earlobe between two knuckles. ] I'm bigger than the sky.

[bouchonne]

[ With fond lasciviousness: ]

I’ll say.

[ Then he kisses Bastien sweetly on the lips. ]

I do want you to follow your heart.

[cozen]

[ Bastien’s tittery grin subdues. ]

You are my heart.

[ It’s true. But if it were the entire truth, he wouldn’t be asking for this, would he? Or he would have withdrawn the request the moment he noted the reluctance and worry. He would lock the both of them in a vault.

He doesn’t say it. He doesn’t hide it, either; he looks reflective, a little troubled, when he pulls By down further to press their foreheads together for a moment. ]

What about you? Are you satisfied?

[bouchonne]

With my lot? Diplomacy?

[ Byerly, too, sees the half truth for what it is. But he doesn’t mind. Truthfully, he would not like it one bit if he had become the whole of Bastien’s heart. He adores those parts that are not him the most. ]

[cozen]

[ He nods and shrugs at the same time. ]

With all of it. [ Or, well. ] With what parts of it we have any control over.

[bouchonne]

Hah. So, nothing?

[ He smiles dryly, then shakes his head. ]

I will confess that it has been a bit...difficult, seeing the division all but collapse after my departure from leadership. Not enough to make me wish to go back. But. I cannot help but feel some guilt.