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contact part deux
if this were modern times byerly would probably make you listen to total eclipse of the heart before you were able to leave a message
[ Good. Byerly is a little freer as he goes on. ]
Yes, you are.
[ He reaches down into the water to demand Bastien's foot to rub. ]
I'll agree that you're easy to be selfish with. If a fellow were inclined to take from you, and take, and take, you'd permit that to happen. I expect you'd be miserable, but you'd permit it. [ A cocked eyebrow. ] But giving to you is a difficult thing indeed.
Yes, you are.
[ He reaches down into the water to demand Bastien's foot to rub. ]
I'll agree that you're easy to be selfish with. If a fellow were inclined to take from you, and take, and take, you'd permit that to happen. I expect you'd be miserable, but you'd permit it. [ A cocked eyebrow. ] But giving to you is a difficult thing indeed.
[ Bastien thinks about that. He's thinking hard enough about it that it takes him a second to understand what Byerly's hands are after—but once he does get it, he obliges, pruny toes and all. ]
You do a very good job of it— [ more contemplative than argumentative ] —I think. That hot chocolate alone.
[ Probably not what he means. And not even the best example of the purely material giving he's done. But—lightness. ]
You do a very good job of it— [ more contemplative than argumentative ] —I think. That hot chocolate alone.
[ Probably not what he means. And not even the best example of the purely material giving he's done. But—lightness. ]
[ Bastien smiles. The coffee, too. The book, which put a lump in his throat that could only be removed by crying or by dragging Byerly to bed. The song living in his sending crystal, which he's listened to so many times he could sing it nearly perfectly, despite not understanding a bit of it. ]
But not—support?
[ A guess. He'll certainly take this foot rub, at least, shoulders going limp against the wall of the bathing pool. ]
But not—support?
[ A guess. He'll certainly take this foot rub, at least, shoulders going limp against the wall of the bathing pool. ]
Huh.
[He leans back in his chair, processing this knowledge.]
Which position? Diplomacy, or spying?
[He leans back in his chair, processing this knowledge.]
Which position? Diplomacy, or spying?
[ By sits back and gives a sigh, running his hand over his chin. How can he say this in a way that won't sound cruel? And, more importantly, won't result in Vanadi dismissing him outright? ]
Athessa is...someone who puts rather a lot of emphasis on her romantic relationships. For good and for bad. I have seen romantic difficulties turn her quite thoughtless. Uncommonly, intensely thoughtless. So I worry that - if something were to go wrong, and you were in a situation where you had no one to talk to, or compare stories with, or simply ask am I mad?, it might lead to a great deal of hurt. And perhaps some loss of what stability you've achieved here.
Athessa is...someone who puts rather a lot of emphasis on her romantic relationships. For good and for bad. I have seen romantic difficulties turn her quite thoughtless. Uncommonly, intensely thoughtless. So I worry that - if something were to go wrong, and you were in a situation where you had no one to talk to, or compare stories with, or simply ask am I mad?, it might lead to a great deal of hurt. And perhaps some loss of what stability you've achieved here.
[ By shakes his head. No, that's not it. He presses his thumb into one of the points of tension, and says: ]
Not attention. You pull back from being seen. A fine quality in a Bard - [ A lift of his eyebrows. ] But. I think that much of love depends on being able to make oneself seen. You, though, were taught to be as invisible as Serault glass.
[ A pinch on his big toe. ] So you're quite difficult. But once a fellow can discern those little crystalline etchings on that glass, they're magnificently beautiful.
Not attention. You pull back from being seen. A fine quality in a Bard - [ A lift of his eyebrows. ] But. I think that much of love depends on being able to make oneself seen. You, though, were taught to be as invisible as Serault glass.
[ A pinch on his big toe. ] So you're quite difficult. But once a fellow can discern those little crystalline etchings on that glass, they're magnificently beautiful.
Edited 2021-03-29 12:25 (UTC)
[ Bastien’s quiet for a moment, turning boneless over the massage and warm over the beautiful and thoughtful over the rest. He doesn’t know (because he’s wrong) if he would concede that he was taught to be invisible, rather than his bardmaster harnessing some innate insubstantiality that’s always made it easy for him to slide out of people’s sight and lives and hearts like he was never there at all.
But it doesn’t really matter. The end is the same: ]
I suppose I am very lucky you enjoy a little challenge, then.
[ He smiles and wiggles his erstwhile-pinched toe. ]
Thank you for looking.
But it doesn’t really matter. The end is the same: ]
I suppose I am very lucky you enjoy a little challenge, then.
[ He smiles and wiggles his erstwhile-pinched toe. ]
Thank you for looking.
Thank you for letting me see.
[ He goes down the line and pinches every toe in turn. He lingers for a moment over the pinky toe, gently working it back and forth, as he says: ]
And I don't want you because you're easy, or because you're hard. I just want you.
[ He goes down the line and pinches every toe in turn. He lingers for a moment over the pinky toe, gently working it back and forth, as he says: ]
And I don't want you because you're easy, or because you're hard. I just want you.
[ His surprise finally quells, settling as he listens into something more like tried patience. ]
Byerly, do you think I'm new to romance? Or so fragile that a lover's spat might undo me?
[ And, true, this particular romance is already something deeper than he's used to, and Vanadi probably would have an extremely bad time in the worst case scenario Byerly is envisioning — but his ego isn't entirely dissolved, it seems. ]
Byerly, do you think I'm new to romance? Or so fragile that a lover's spat might undo me?
[ And, true, this particular romance is already something deeper than he's used to, and Vanadi probably would have an extremely bad time in the worst case scenario Byerly is envisioning — but his ego isn't entirely dissolved, it seems. ]
Ambassador's a pretty high position for someone who's no good at diplomacy.
[ Sharply: ] I value your input, I think you're an intelligent and thoughtful man, but I think I know—
[ He breaks off suddenly, because, does he really know? Much of anything? He'd nearly been sure of himself for a short while there. He sighs, rubs his forehead. ]
Is she likely to slit my throat in the night, would you say? I would say no, but I admit I've been wrong before. [ (He wishes he could make this as facetious as it sounds.) ]
[ He breaks off suddenly, because, does he really know? Much of anything? He'd nearly been sure of himself for a short while there. He sighs, rubs his forehead. ]
Is she likely to slit my throat in the night, would you say? I would say no, but I admit I've been wrong before. [ (He wishes he could make this as facetious as it sounds.) ]
[ His lips relax a little. Not fully, just a touch. And his voice is still clipped when he says: ]
I have been hurt rather deeply by Athessa in the past. Not deliberately on her part, I believe; just because she was lashing out when upset at other people. Particularly when she was dissatisfied with her romantic life. So. I do not think she is the best person to be in a snake pit with.
I have been hurt rather deeply by Athessa in the past. Not deliberately on her part, I believe; just because she was lashing out when upset at other people. Particularly when she was dissatisfied with her romantic life. So. I do not think she is the best person to be in a snake pit with.
[ He nods faintly; accepting the story, perhaps able to visualize it. ]
I understand your meaning. She has had a hangup or two on that front. [ To put it lightly. His gaze falls away again. ] You commented on my stability, yes? You weren't wrong to. I would estimate she's directly responsible for — I don't know how to measure these things, two thirds of my, ah, solid footing?
I understand your meaning. She has had a hangup or two on that front. [ To put it lightly. His gaze falls away again. ] You commented on my stability, yes? You weren't wrong to. I would estimate she's directly responsible for — I don't know how to measure these things, two thirds of my, ah, solid footing?
[ It’s one thing to give himself a pep talk. Another to hear it from the source. Bastien says, ]
Yeah,
[ but it’s not knowing or smug. It’s hushed and wondering. Yeah; how amazing.
A moment, quiet and still, to wrap the thought in paper and tuck it into his heart. Then he smiles and folds his arms against the wall behind his head, stretches his legs longer, and settles into a pantomime of cockiness to repeat, ]
So into me. I could shave off my hair. I could wear head to toe beige. You would still kiss me.
Yeah,
[ but it’s not knowing or smug. It’s hushed and wondering. Yeah; how amazing.
A moment, quiet and still, to wrap the thought in paper and tuck it into his heart. Then he smiles and folds his arms against the wall behind his head, stretches his legs longer, and settles into a pantomime of cockiness to repeat, ]
So into me. I could shave off my hair. I could wear head to toe beige. You would still kiss me.
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